


still with you (dandelion wishes)

by uwua3



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Heartbreak, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Song Lyrics, Song: Still With You (Jeon Jungkook), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:02:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwua3/pseuds/uwua3
Summary: kazunari blows on a dandelion for a wish that will never come true
Relationships: Minagi Tsuzuru/Miyoshi Kazunari
Kudos: 3





	still with you (dandelion wishes)

**Author's Note:**

> tw warnings ♡ angst, implied/vague nsfw (kissing)
> 
> date written ♡ 06/04/20 
> 
> music ♡ still with you — bts (jungkook)

_YOUR THIN VOICE THAT GRAZES JUST PAST ME,_

_WOULD YOU CALL MY NAME JUST ONCE MORE?_

_THOUGH I’M STILL STANDING HERE, BENEATH THE FROZEN SUNSET_

_STEP BY STEP, I WANT TO WALK TOWARDS YOU_

_STILL WITH YOU_

“Say my name.”

Kazunari begged, forcing Tsuzuru to look at him. Whatever they had, had been going on for too long, he knew that, but Kazunari wasn’t ready for it to end. Not now, not when this relationship they faked had become so real.

Tsuzuru shook his head, about to shake him off with force but Kazunari held onto his face, hands cupped around his cheeks like a lover would do. Tsuzuru stared in horror as Kazunari’s teary, red eyes peered back at him, his hands shaking against his skin, the uneven breathing pattern between Kazunari’s hidden sobs, it was too much to bear. How could he have let this happen? Why didn’t he say no?

“I–If you mean it, say it. Say my name.” Kazunari pleaded, smiling sadly when he gently wiped away a tear that had escaped Tsuzuru’s rapidly blinking eyes. Even though there was supposed to be no feelings between them, it broke their hearts to even be seeing each other like this. How could this have gone too far? Could he even speak right now?

Tsuzuru reached his hand up, placing it against Kazunari’s as if about to hold it for old time’s sake. But, before Tsuzuru could let himself embrace Kazunari selfishly, he pushed Kazunari’s hand down to his side with a firm ‘no’. Kazunari retracted his touch, stumbling back as if he had been physically pushed. He knew he was about to hear it, to witness the end of everything they had been through—

“Kazunari,” Tsuzuru started but stopped. Kazunari admired the way he glowed in the golden hour one last time, letting the tears stream freely down his face as he attempted a smile, but it was flawed and broken, just like their relationship. Tsuzuru wanted nothing more than to comfort him, to console him, take him home like none of this ever happened, but they could never go back to how things were before. It was impossible, it was too late to take it all back.

“I love you, Tsuzu—”

“I don’t love you, Kazunari.”

Silence.

“Did you ever?”

Then, Kazunari took a step forward, his arm reaching out, wishing for Tsuzuru to stay. But, nothing could have changed what just happened.

Tsuzuru ran off, leaving Kazunari to stand by himself with a mess he couldn’t fix at the pier that summer sunset afternoon.

* * *

_IN THIS DARK ROOM, WITHOUT A SINGLE LIGHT_

_I SHOULDN’T GET USED TO THIS, BUT IT BECOMES FAMILIAR ONCE MORE_

Kazunari could never handle being alone for too long, perhaps this was punishment for starting this in the first place. The light flickered above his head before shutting off completely, subjecting Kazunari to the tidal waves of the night as nothing but moonlight illuminated his surfaces. By the time he had arrived, Tsuzuru was no where to be seen. Gone, never the same ever again.

By now, they were supposed to be getting ready for bed, about to turn in early because Kazunari knew he was the only person who could make Tsuzuru close his eyes. They’d be tangled in their sheets, wanting nothing more than to be in each other’s embrace, whispering about anything with muffled laughter echoing between their four walls. They’d wake up together, and end the day together as always. Now, the truth was out. There was nothing to lie about anymore, nothing to pretend everything was alright for.

Kazunari laid alone that night, listening for a sound that Tsuzuru was still alive. Something just to prove to him he was real, wasn’t a figment of his crazy imagination, someone he truly did ruin everything with. Restless, Kazunari listened to the beat of the rain against his window pane as he left Tsuzuru’s side of the bed open, just in case he decided to come back.

Kazunari’s eyes fluttered closed, despite his best efforts to stay awake as the clock ticked onward, on and on without stop. It was true—Tsuzuru hadn’t come back for him.

* * *

_I CAN HEAR THE SOFT HUMMING, THE SOUND OF THE AIR CONDITIONER_

_IF I DON’T EVEN HAVE THIS RHYTHM, I TRULY FEEL LIKE I MAY FALL APART_

Kazunari woke up to the sound of endless typing, the rapid smashing of keys that only his ex–boyfriend could produce at an alarming rate. It was louder than the rain at this hour, and this was the scene where Kazunari would persuade him to come back to bed, the blankets warm and distance between them non–existent. But, Tsuzuru was a floor below, typing as if his life depended on it. He would stay up again, again and again every night without sleep until he finished whatever he was working on.

Kazunari pushed himself out of bed, blinking the tiredness away as he stumbled out of his room, not bothering to hide his exhaustion as Kazunari carried his pillow to Room 102. He leaned his ear against the door quietly, sinking to the floor once he heard Tsuzuru’s small remarks to himself when fixing grammatical errors. It was so… like him, that Kazunari just hugged his pillow closer and shut his eyes.

Kazunari wondered if Tsuzuru was writing about him, and what he could’ve been saying if that was the case. Kazunari knew what he’d already write, he already said it.

‘I’m in love with my best friend who could never love me back,’ Kazunari thought, feeling the cold dusk air brush past him as his back faced the courtyard, placing his pale hand against the door. The typing didn’t stop, even hours later as Kazunari finally stood up, shuffling back to his room. He looked over his shoulder, as if praying Tsuzuru would step outside so they could talk it over.

But, what was there to talk about except Kazunari caught feelings for someone who didn’t? That was rejection, plain and simple. Wrong feelings, wrong time, that’s all. Was that all there was, though?

About to walk away, something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Kazunari squatted down, picking at a weed growing at the corner of the pavement as it rustled in the wind. Plucking it from its roots, Kazunari tried to maintain a smile as he recognized the puffiness of the flower, a flower that just had to be growing outside of Tsuzuru’s door: a dandelion.

Making a wish, Kazunari blew on the dandelion and watched his wish fly into the sky as the night carried it far, far away.

Kazunari left the stem in front of Tsuzuru’s door.

* * *

_LAUGHING TOGETHER, AND IN TEARS TOGETHER_

_IT MIGHT BE THAT THESE SIMPLE EMOTIONS, WERE EVERYTHING TO ME_

Kazunari remembered the beginning of the end, how an innocent request had ended their years of friendship together. It was so late, where Kazunari was finishing up an university project as Tsuzuru was revising the final script for the upcoming Mankai production. He remembered looking up from his screen behind him, about to say something to disturb the peace but Kazunari couldn’t bring himself to.

Tsuzuru was already looking down at him, his fingers hovering above the keyboard mid–air. He seemed honest this time, his face bared with such fondness that his teal eyes were unintentionally staring. How long had Tsuzuru been looking at him like that? It must have been the tiredness, the lack of sleep for countless days as Tsuzuru’s half–open eyes were drooping lazily, a blissful, dreamy smile across his usual uptight expression.

“Date me.” Kazunari blurted out, shocking Tsuzuru awake as he stumbled to sit up straight, about to protest with the utmost confusion and denial. Before Tsuzuru could begin ranting about the situation at hand, Kazunari laughed as he stretched, yawning slightly with a humurous glance at Tsuzuru’s flustered expression.

“Don’t be so surprised, Tsuzuroon~ You know how I’ve been talking about wanting a boyfriend forever now.” Kazunari teased, pushing back to nudge Tsuzuru’s leg like friends would. He had been sitting besides Tsuzuru’s chair, leaning his head against the man’s thighs as he propped his laptop up on his own knees. Kazunari missed the way Tsuzuru spluttered, about to defend himself before Kazunari stood up, moving to stand behind his chair with his hands on Tsuzuru’s tense shoulders. Upon contact, Tsuzuru relaxed slightly as Kazunari leaned his lips besides Tsuzuru’s ear, smiling tiredly.

“We’re two college students who don’t have anything going on, right? I’m in need of romance, and you won’t have to worry about catching feelings for me, it can even be fake if you want.” Kazunari whispered, whether it was to avoid waking up the whole dorm or send a shiver running down Tsuzuru’s spine, who knows. Tsuzuru just gulped, trying his best to focus on the blinking cursor on his digital screen as his thoughts ran a mile a minute. The offer to be close with one another without the official commitment was so strange, it completely short–circuited his thinking process.

After a momentary lack of response, Kazunari just let out a small laugh without any sign of embarrassment. Just how often had he thought about this? “Think about it, okay?” Kazunari hummed, pulling back to go sit back down before a hand grabbed his wrist, yanking him towards Tsuzuru’s bewildered face, as if he couldn’t believe it himself.

The distance between them was next to nothing, and Kazunari waited as Tsuzuru found the right words, holding onto Kazunari as if he had to say it. Kazunari leaned over him, his wrist between them as Tsuzuru’s grip loosened like he had become aware of how, friendly this contact was.

“O–Okay.” Tsuzuru finally said, nodding as if to convince himself this wasn’t a weird scenario at all. Kazunari lifted his eyebrows in surprise, about to question Tsuzuru’s indecisiveness before Tsuzuru let go, letting Kazunari stand up to his full height. Tsuzuru cleared his throat awkwardly, as if their dynmamic had changed in an instant.

“Okay?” Kazunari asked, tilting his head slightly to gaze upon Tsuzuru’s flushed cheeks and stubborn pout upon his lips. It was so innocent of him, Kazunari could have imagined themselves not as their current university selves, but back then in elementary when they first met. Tsuzuru just nodded again, about to go back to typing before he held his fist out, his pinky lifted in the air.

“No feelings, right?” Tsuzuru confirmed, and Kazunari made the biggest mistake of his life that night, immediately looping his pinky finger with Tsuzuru’s as a promise.

“No feelings. Just two friends having the benefits of a super not official, non–commital relationship!” Kazunari joked, making Tsuzuru slightly huff out a laugh as they let go, perhaps holding onto each other’s pinkies for a bit too long. Kazunari sat on the floor again and resumed his work, Tsuzuru doing the same as the two shared each other’s company for the first time as “boyfriends”.

That pinky promise was the first to be broken in their newfound, fake relationship. Kazunari had fallen in love with his best friend who he knew would never feel anything back, and the rest was history.

* * *

_I WONDER WHEN IT MAY BE, WERE I TO MEET YOU ONCE MORE_

_I’D WANT TO LOOK INTO YOUR EYES AND TELL YOU, I MISSED YOU_

How could you move on from someone you weren’t even dating, to begin with?

Kazunari hadn’t even interacted with Tsuzuru in weeks. No looks were exchanged, no intimate touches only they’d do to each other, no more late nights together. How had this fake relationship idea Kazunari started backfire on him in the most catastrophic way possible? That was the number one rule they discussed, to tell the other person immediately if they felt anything.

Kazunari remembered the first time he told Tsuzuru he liked him much more than this convenient set–up allowed him to. It was at night again, after becoming familiar with the boundaries (or lack of) they had set up during a round of drinks, as Kazunari mindlessly played with Tsuzuru’s fingers. He had resorted to typing with one hand, letting Kazunari get his skin–on–skin fix as he just played with his hand like some cat. Tsuzuru was about to say something, turning his head but stopping to stare into Kazunari’s half–lidded eyes and lazy grin.

“Hi, Tsuzuroon.” Kazunari slurred together, placing a gentle kiss upon Tsuzuru’s knuckles casually, missing the way Tsuzuru flinched from the intimate contact. He guessed he did agree to this, just to appease Kazunari’s intense need to be clingy 24/7. But, Tsuzuru wasn’t aware it would feel so _real_ , the kisses, the hugs, the hand–holding, it was all different now.

“Hello?” Tsuzuru said in a questioning tone before Kazunari moved in closer, barely a millimeter away as he seemed drunk under this light. Flushed face with unfocusing eyes, but with the same smile he reserved only for Tsuzuru.

“Tsuzu, why haven’t we kissed yet?” Kazunari rasped, his breath smelling like the fruity sojus he liked so much. Tsuzuru tensed, unable to answer. A moment passed, and Kazunari just kept smiling with no care in the world, moving to sit on his lap and blocking Tsuzuru’s view of the computer. It was like Kazunari purposely planned to take away all his attention tonight, not caring about the consequences.

“I want to kiss you, but,” Kazunari mumbled, wrapping his arms around Tsuzuru’s neck without restraint. Tsuzuru felt Kazunari brush his hair down, his nimble artist fingers threading through his messy bedhead carefully, like he could stop any time with just a single word. Kazunari’s breath on his neck made Tsuzuru want to pull him closer, but stopped himself, instead gripping the base of his chair with a frown.

“But?” Tsuzuru continued, watching Kazunari blink, gazing through his eyelashes with no shame, no filter whatsoever.

“But, I might fall in love with you.”

Tsuzuru let Kazunari lean in, Kazunari’s fear apparent through the way he ran his hands through Tsuzuru’s hair, keeping a safe distance between them regardless of the precarious situation. Right before he pressed his lips against Tsuzuru’s, Kazunari let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes.

“Stop me.”

Tsuzuru didn’t, and they both made a mistake that night. They never talked about it even though it violated their first rule. They would keep making every mistake until it caught up to them.

Kazunari picked his head up at the sound of someone at the kitchen entrance, escaping his memory as he turned his head towards Tsuzuru, who was sleepily staring at him. As if he couldn’t believe Kazunari was real, like he was just a dream hidden away at 3 A.M. The two boys looked back at one another, Kazunari sitting on a stool by the island as Tsuzuru gripped the door frame. Nothing but the moon was there to witness it all.

Kazunari was the first to leave, passing by to push a cup of fresh coffee in Tsuzuru’s hands, just the way he liked it. They didn’t say a word, there was nothing to say.

Except, Kazunari thought, I miss you.

* * *

_WITHIN THE MEMORIES THAT ONCE SHINED_

_THOUGH I DANCE ALONE, THE RAIN STILL FALLS_

_WHEN THIS FOG CLEARS, I’LL RUN TOWARDS YOU WITH MY FEET WET_

_PLEASE HUG ME THEN_

It was raining. Kazunari was soaking wet, his clothes he didn’t change out of clinging to his skin as it weighed him down, his hand hovering above the door. It was much too late to be outside, the rain slapping against the courtyard ground repetitively, his senses going into overdrive at the sounds surrounding the usually quiet night.

Kazunari was staring at Room 102’s door, unable to pick up the sound of Tsuzuru typing over the weather. Was he finally sleeping? Did he drink coffee earlier that night like he always did? Kazunari doubted he was taking care of himself, Tsuzuru never could sleep well at any time of the day, and he just wanted to come inside already. But, Kazunari knew he couldn’t, not after everything.

Kazunari selfishly wanted to re–enter Tsuzuru’s life again, be happy with his role as the best boyfriend ever with no strings attached. But, Kazunari’s heart beat faster when Tsuzuru simply looked at him, his attention was only focused on Tsuzuru even if he couldn’t have him, and his feet automatically led him to Tsuzuru’s dorm room late at night until he couldn’t handle it anymore. Kazunari was so in love with his best friend, someone who could never love him back, and his heart refused to accept it.

So, here he was, shivering from the cold and trying to muster all the courage in the world to just knock. To smooth over the situation, to fix the mess they had created from Kazunari’s unrequited feelings, just to be friends again. But, could they really go back to normal? After all those sleepless hours together, just wishing it could never end even though the whole thing was a set–up. Would it be better off to not hurt their delicate predicament even more, and just leave it be?

Kazunari was about to leave, turn around, and go back to his room like he did every night. Except, a yellow sliver of light escaped from the door cracked open, with Tsuzuru’s sleepy eyes readjusting to the brightness that was Kazunari. They both froze, unexpectedly finding themselves staring at each other with no motivation to move.

As the rain fell, Kazunari watched as Tsuzuru hesitated, his hand holding the door knob with uncertainity as if to let him in or not.

When Tsuzuru decided to shake his head and close the door, Kazunari’s tears felt like the rain.

* * *

_IF I JUST KNEW,_

_THAT THIS WOULD COME TO HAPPEN_

_I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT TO KEEP IN MY HEART_

_MORE FROM THOSE DAYS, MORE FROM THOSE MOMENTS_

Kazunari believed, foolishly believed for a second, maybe Tsuzuru loved him back. It was all the times they were caught exchanging moments like Cupid had struck them with the same arrow. Where Tsuzuru didn’t question if Kazunari faked being sick for the attention (he wasn’t), just gave him a piggy back ride even if he admitted Kazunari wasn’t exactly light. Tsuzuru let him hold on, like he was Kazunari’s actual boyfriend who really did care. Kazunari’s face was flushed for a different reason by the time they arrived back at camp.

Tsuzuru liked planning impromptu dates, blindfolding Kazunari and leading him to a perfectly arranged picnic at the park they frequented so much. Tsuzuru let Kazunari take care of his four little brothers, the younger ones convinced they were going to get married, even going trick & treating together. Tsuzuru began posing for pictures before Kazunari even had time to whip out his smartphone, already warming up to the idea of his boyfriend being social media obsessed and posted all the couple pictures in the world. Tsuzuru even liked reciting lines with him, practicing until the early hours of dawn with the newest script tight in his hand, emoting the character he wrote flawlessly. Kazunari would just watch, wondering how he got so lucky, and how long his luck would last.

Tsuzuru always claimed it was for the ‘script experience’, to further understand romance and write even better plays. But sometimes, Kazunari thought the character monologue about being in love sounded so familiar, so real, that it hurt him. Hearing it from another actor, but knowing his boyfriend was the one who wrote them, but not for him, was painful. Perhaps, Kazunari should have realized it, that Tsuzuru was just following the rules: being romantic so he’d improve as a playwright. But instead, Kazunari was blinded by his own emotions. He was too in love with someone who never could.

Kazunari wondered if he had fallen in love with a person who he imagined, not the true essence of who Tsuzuru was. But, he remembered all their time together, the memories, the experiences both old and new, and every little thing that made up Kazunari’s love. It couldn’t be, he couldn’t keep lying to himself anymore, Kazunari was in love.

In love, in love, in love; how unlucky.

But, was it all acting, then? Kazunari was walking somewhere, with urgency in his steps as he kept on going. He remembered every time where he looked up from his work, seeing Tsuzuru admire his rare solemn expression and later penning a description of beauty within silence. Closed his eyes and could see every moment where Tsuzuru leaned in too close and held his hand for far too long in any situation, initiating contact that was almost too personal, borderline breaking the rules. Was all of that, throughout their entire contract, as fake as their relationship?

Kazunari stopped at the pier, the pier where he soberly confessed he was in love with his best friend. Kazunari took in the sunset once again, seeing how it truly never went away. About to move on, Kazunari caught sight of someone standing in the same spot he got rejected from. As Kazunari took a step closer, Tsuzuru didn’t run away this time.

“I loved you.” Tsuzuru admitted without wasting his breath. Kazunari halted, finding himself in the same position all those months ago.

* * *

_BEHIND THE FAINT SMILE YOU GAVE ME,_

_WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME, I WANT TO PAINT A BEAUTIFUL PURPLE LIGHT_

_THOUGH THE PACE OF OUR FOOTSTEPS MAY NOT ALWAYS BE THE SAME_

_I WANT TO WALK ALONG THIS PATH, TOGETHER WITH YOU_

_STILL WITH YOU_

“You love me?”

“I… I, once did. Not anymore.”

“Why?”

“I’d rather be your friend forever, than your boyfriend just for a moment.”

“Tsuzuru?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Say it back.”

“I can’t, not anymore.”

“I’m in love with you.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kazunari wish his dandelion wish came true.

**Author's Note:**

> your self worth is not based on if someone romantically loves you!!! it’s okay to be single, you don’t have to be in love 24/7 to be worth it to someone ♡ i hope you love yourself as much as you love others!
> 
> thank you for reading! i love you! ♡ — bunnie 💗🐰 ♡ (go to my tumblr for more writings @uwua3)


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